Guilt

Lost

Have you ever felt so bad

for not feeling bad

when you really should?

ode to my family - Granny

my 96-year-old grandma whose mind's still sharp as knife

Granny

one of the very few persons who had seen you naked before (unless you are a porn star)

who shares all the same worries your parents have for you

who loves you no less then your parent do

Get well soon, Granny

p.s. love you

journey to destination

road trips are meant to be taking your own sweet time, enjoying the journeys that bring you to the destinations

When I was little, I loved long distance travel in car, especially at night (because the weather was cooler and I loved gazing at the stary night sky). I would have this weird fantasy that we would never reach our destination and forever travelling in the car. I suppose I'm more of a pro-journey traveller. However when it comes to long distance flight, I'm definitely a pro-destinationer!

So which type of traveller are you?

man's best friend

Sheba the border collie

Ever since I was little, I had always wanted a dog. Well, in fact in my wildest fantasy I wanted to keep a tiger, a leopard, a monkey, a horse, and a puppy. In fact I did have them at one time, every night I would go to sleep surrounded by them and felt safe. Yeah, they were my pillows and bolster. I had assigned each of them an animal role. I guess that didn't really make me a nerd or freak, right? I mean isn't it absolutely normal for kids to have imaginative friends right? Whatever.

Anyway, I reckoned a dog would be most possible to happen. However, my mum never allowed us to keep any furry animals, because 4 out of 6 members in our family were asthmatic, regardless the fact that had never been the trigger for our attacks. It wasn't until high school has we really had a pup for a very brief period. It was an abandoned pup we found at hawker center that kept following us. We brought it home and by then we were too old and bold to ignore my mum's protest. It was a mixed breed of Rottweiler and it was absolutely adorable. I named it Coco. Only problem was the fleas. But we bought medicine and believed given some times, it would be cured. However, there was another bigger problem. No matter how happy Cocoa was playing with us during day time, at night, it would cry and whine all night. After a week or so, my gramma had enough of it and ordered us to send it back to where we found it. I didn't know why we hadn't insisted. It was sad and heart breaking to leave Coco behind and drove away. I couldn't look into her inquisitive eyes that seemed to ask: why? After that, I never had any other pet.

It's sad to admit to myself that till now, I still can't afford to have one yet. Let's see why. First I'm still living in rented place; second my parents are not really a dog lover so I don't think it's fair for me to get one and have them take care of it for me; third the dog would be awefully lonely and depressed to be left alone when everyone is gone for work most of the time...... These might sound like excuses but that's true. Having a dog isn't about having someone to wag it's tail when you are home from work, or something cuddly to hug when you are in the mood. A dog should be treated like a friend, a companion, for that's what they really are. Just like kids. Don't say things like a family isn't complete without kids; or having kids can strengthen and enhance the relationship of married couples; or that's an obligation to continue the family's bloodline; yadda yadda yadda..... The only reason one should have kid(s) is to give all the love and happiness to the life/lives you have brought to this world. Period.

So don't keep a dog, or any pet, until you are ready to love him/her in return.

autumn colours

trees in autumn costume

autumn colours in vineyard

Autumn has always been my favourite season.

It's the perfect time to slow down your pace to watch how trees put on warm colours in the cool weather; to listen to the rustling of leaves in cool autumn breeze; to smell the sweetness of harvested fruits in the air; and to feel the soothing tranquility of the nature.

sushi therapy

when sad
eat sushi with lotsa wasabi
and blame that green stuff for all the tears

i would walk five hundred miles (and five hundred more!)

top to bottom:

polished pebbles on the river bank at Franz Josef Glacier, South Island

green green grass in Taupo, North Island

autumn fallen leaves in Arrowtown, South Island

couldn't help falling in love

with every inch of land i'd set my feet on

and yes,

i would walk five hundred miles

and i would walk five hundred more

if that would bring me to the kiwiland again!

p.s. against mun onn's better advice, i still wore the canvas shoes instead, but lucky me it only got wet once throughout the trip when I brilliantly decided to stone-hop in a stream!

colours of the nature

top to bottom:

long clouds and blue sky, north island

green leaves and dews in little river, south island

well-polished pebbles on Rakai River bank, south island

red autumn leaves in arrowtown, south island

Li'l Jessie

Jessie was the little 2-year-old girl whom the daugther of my farmstay host in Karamea, Lakei, would baby sit sometimes. She reminded me a lot of my own nephew, Ethan, mainly because of their age.

I captured this image while we were playing football outside the farmhouse one afternoon. Jessie was so lively and always on the move. When asked to smile at the camera, she would do the exact same face as captured in the shot above. I guess that's her idea of special 'smile' for the camera since she was already smiling and laughing most of the time even without being asked!

intertwined

hands

hands that once rocked the cradles in my family

Luck

the lucky (twisted) bamboo

an auspicious Chinese New Year plant believed to have the ability to change one's rotten luck

I've been having rotten luck recently. My brother suggested I hit my head with one of these lucky bamboos.

yesterday once more

Today, while I browsed through my sis' photo folders in her pc, I stumbled upon some precious old pics of us and brought back memories of our childhood. Those were the days....

this was me at few-month-old

i couldn't stop laughing at this picture and the caption my sis put as file name 'my shy bro and pilot sis' (lol)

and the caption for this was 'unhappy baby trying to ruin m cake'i was the unhappy baby, even at that young age, I knew my sis was gonna be a bully

and my dad once owned a purple pants!!!!!!
(*won't you take me to, Funky Town? won't you take me to, Funky Town?*)

my brother nearly turned this family shot into a child pornography!

and how my sis always commented that i looked like a monkey with little hair

and how our height used to be in accordance to our age

this family portrait tells so much about us: mum's a secret fetish over afro, and dad's retro (well back than i'm sure it was the latest fashion) floral shirt, granny's still-relatively-smooth skin, yc's ghost-sighting expression, my relatively normal baby look, and my, that's before yd even exist!!!

and daddy's good old Mazda!!! this car had been with us for over 2 decades!! that's mum posed and dressed like a school girl and yc dressed like an eggplant..i realised there's someone in the car and i assumed that's dad, then who took this picture?!

i'm going to new zealand!

It's like a dream comes true, nz has always been on my must-go list.

After I've made this big change, i.e. to quit my job, pack my luggage, and drag along my brother, this is finally happening.

Here i come, kiwiland!

surreality

rootless lifeforms

Who would not, finding way, break loose from hell, . . . . And boldly venture to whatever place Farthest from pain? --Paradise Lost

If the origin of the pain is unidentified, how would you know which direction leads to the Farthest place?

If life is but a dream, would you rather wake up sooner, later, or never?

romance drowned

How can the commercialisation of St Valentine's Day be stopped?

When will them so-called lovers realise romance is dying...

character

chinese caligraphy art work in an antique shop in Malacca

There's such saying that you can tell a man's character from his handwriting.

My handwriting is terrible.

I wonder if it means i have terrible character or that i am a terrible character.

Maybe both.

survival

are there actually natural born survivors?

or the instinct simply will kick in under extreme environment?

either way,

i'll survive

(i hope)

at dusk

when darkness comes

please remember

that the sun will rise again

silver lining

every cloud has a silver lining,

right?

i certainly do hope so

new year resolution

1. Help yd get motivated again

2. Quit current job and do something more interesting for living

3. Farm stay and back packing in NZ for a month

4. Materialise the 'family business' plan

5. Practice yoga regularly - but first, get that damn mat!

6. Get a Nikon D80 and keep blogging

7. Be more positive - stop getting upset and depressed easily

8. Pick up Japanese again

waves

I wonder

if waves ever get tired

of their never ending routine